It’s been forever since I have written a blog. with the ending of the summer semester and the fall semester in full swing life has been crazy. Not to mention I have been really sick. All of this does not lead to warm and fuzzy feelings for blogging.
I am back now and I am ready to write. Normally I write about things that irk me, or things that I love. Deep soul searching is not generally my thing. Tonight however, I think a bit of soul searching is in order.
Tonight I have been in a rather contemplative mood. My mind is doing all of the “What if’s”. Tonight it is focused on the what if I had been able to go to a four year college right out of high school where would I be now?
Odds are I would be a history teacher. That is what I wanted to be. However I didn’t have the luxury of having parents who were able to send me to school. I wonder what I would have been like had I lived in a dorm. I see people who can say that they have lived with other people. I didn’t have a chance to make close bonds with people like that. The most I can say is I had a couple of classes with someone. Whoo hoo. I spend 3 hours a week in the presence of another person for 16 weeks – provided one of us doesn’t miss a class. Is not quite the same and it doesn’t exactly lead to lasting relationships with people.
For most of my live I have never had to sustain a long lasting relationship with people. For the most part, I have always kept to myself and managed on my own. I have had stability in my work schedule, but not in most other areas of my life. I spend a lot of time away from home, and when I am there, it’s hard to find the energy some days to put forth the effort of keeping those relationships. No matter how hard I try, someone always winds up getting neglected. I hate it. I really do.
Once I am out of school it will be easier. I will have more time to devote to getting together with friends. I miss my friends. Yes that’s right, if you are reading this I miss you. I promise I will try and call soon! (Note this doesn’t apply to the random folk who have never conversed with me and who are sitting in front of their computers wearing nothing but a pink tutu and drinking a beer.)
It’s also true that sometimes when I come home, I just want to be at home. I miss hanging out in my room, watching a DVD and listening to music. Sometimes, I even like to take a nap. MMMM naps. I miss naps. But alas the mountain of laundry awaits as does the homework and the general picking up of life.