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Tonight I feel a mix of emotions. One the way home I actually had a panicky thought. What if I don’t have a job by the summer?  What if in this economy no one will want to hire? Its a scary thought. I felt my heart race and then I felt butterflies and that shiver, you know the one I mean. The shiver you get when you are staring at a big unknown in your life.

I have often talked about having faith, and I do have it. I have it everyday. I trust that God is going to lead me in the direction that he sees fit. It’s just….well I guess, my faith can’t obliterate all doubt. I just really want to be in the place God means for me to be. The worry is I don’t know where that is. It shouldn’t be a worry really. He wont lead me somewhere that I am not meant to be.  Tonight though, I am wondering what that path is for me to follow.

I am trying to open my heart to God about this. To look to heaven and hand him my heart. Maybe though that is not enough. I mean I want my heart to be in the right place – one of my biggest purposes is to help people. However, maybe its not about just turning my heart over to God, but my mind as well. Give to Him these thoughts that are in my head. He can certainly have them, they aren’t doing me any favors.

Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath, or two (or 12). Faith is not hard to have. I think the hard part is consistency in keeping it with Him. Faith needs to be in us to be sure, but it has to be with Him as well. You can’t huddle in faith like an old blankie.  All that accomplishes is to put up blinders to block out the world. When you block out the world you block out God. If God is in everything and you want to hide behind your faith, only proclaiming to have it, but never allowing it to be tested, then aren’t you just hiding from God?

Is it not part of God’s responsibility to us to test our faith? To give us challenges, to make us look to Him and realize that we can not walk alone in this world? Maybe I am it out in left field here, but it only stands to reason that God would want to test our faith. Fair weather friends do not make good followers, and He I think, is desires to give us the choice to have faith or not.

Some might say well God is all knowing, why test the faith if he already knows our outcome? My thoughts on that are, I do believe that God knows what will happen in the end. He created the end, but I also believe that God is the giver of hope and He wants to give us every opportunity to not chose the wrong paths.

Tonight I came across this verse and it helped me in a moment of struggling. I want to post it because if it helped me, maybe it could be of help to someone else too.


“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sew nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is today alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious saying, ‘What shall we eat,’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:25-33)