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Again tonight I come to you from my front porch. I am sitting here utterly humbled by the realizations of the day. Today was one of the best days I can remember. I feel a total 180 degree difference since my last post. Today I had an absolute soul revelation on my way to school. The day started off well. I was anxious to get it going. I left for school early and it was gorgeous out. Not nice, not pretty, but gorgeous. It was like God grinned. I had all the windows down and the sunroof open and the wind was doing its thing. Traffic was light and there was nothing ahead but green lights and blue skies. I turned on the radio. There and then I heard my personal anthem. Now I know that this song has been around for awhile, but I had my head down and in another direction, so today was the first time I really listened to it. I will post the lyrics and the link to the YouTube video.

I’ve been waiting for my dreams

To turn into something

I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow

On the horizon

I couldn’t see it until I let go

Gave into love

And watched all the bitterness burn

Now I’m coming alive

Body and soul

And feelin’ my world start to turn

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life

 

Holding onto things that vanished

Into the air

Left me in pieces

But now I’m rising from the ashes

Finding my wings

And all that I needed was there all along

Within my reach

As close as the beat of my heart

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time to be

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

The time of my life

 

And I’m out on the edge of forever

Ready to run

Keeping my feet on the ground

Arms open wide,

Face to the sun

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time to be

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time,

This is the time of my life, my life

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time,

This is the time of my life,

(Na na na na na, na na na na na)

This is the time of my life,

(Na na na na na)

The time of my life,

Time of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMv09S578aQ

 

Right now this song is just who I am. I have been waiting for my dreams to turn into something: a career I could believe in. Now, its really going to happen. For so long in my life I held so much bitterness inside me. I felt like the world was never going to give me a fair shake. Little did I know, God was just saying wait. Now I am watching all the bitterness go and I can see all the people on my team who were there all along, I just couldn’t see them to know.

This time I want to be more than the girl that hides behind her hair. I want to live out loud and let the world know –  it gets better. Some days are dark and hard, and in all the black its hard to see the light. It’s there. Those are the days that now I know, I hav e to find the light in me. I am the only one who can bring it out. There will always be chaos, but I am the only one who can decide how much. The rest of it, I have to trust and love God enough to give it to Him. To take it off my shoulders and lift the burdern that leaves me in pieces.

For so many years I was in such a bad spot. I would emotionally sink into myself. Now my soul is really rising out of that, rising out of the ashes and finding the wings that were there all along.

Now I want to taste every moment and live my life in the sun. Open my arms to the world and to let in all the good that I was too covered in darkness to see. I am ready to run, ready to put the windows down, let the wind roll in and begin my brand new life.

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