Well, I had a blog prepared, but as I sit down tonight to write, I find that my heart is just not into that topic. Actually, I don’t know exactly where my heart is tonight, but it feels like it is in a rather raw place. I am not sure where this entry will go, but I have a feeling it will be to a very honest and in-the-moment place.
I havent felt like me the last few days. I feel like I am going through the motions, but I feel like that if people were to look at me – really look at me, they would see I don’t give a rat’s butt. I am trying. I feel like it is just taking me longer to get there.
I feel exhausted even though sleep has not been elusive for two nights now. Tonight when I came in from work, I was spent. All I wanted was to come home and hear someone say that everything is going to be ok, to just crash and burn into everything that is familiar. Did that happen? Not so much.
I just need to get through the week. Tomorrow is Thursday, after that its Friday and the end. Then I will have Saturday alone. Precious solitude.
I know I am strong, but I am not strong everyday. Ha, not hardly. I just have to remember there are times I have been weaker than this, and if I can wade through that murky mire, then this is a piece of cake.
Right now I am feeling on the vulnerable side and I want to hold a sign that says “Fragile soul, handle with care.” If I could have one thing in this world in this minute, it would be a hug. The human touch is such a simple and powerful thing. A hug, a touch on the face, a hand on the shoulder, all of those things are simple, but when done with sincerity they represent the best of what humanity has to offer. A genuine touch is warm, caring, empathetic, and has the ability to allow one person to, without words, bond with another on the most basic and intimate level.
Tonight, I just want to be touched.