One foot in front of the other. That is what I have to do. I swear sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off. Life would be so much easier. In my head, I have been around the world 42 times in the last hour, but taking actual physical steps, well, that amount is smaller.
I can over-analyze what could happen to death. My brain can imagine the worst scenarios out of anything. That’s great if you are a chess player with all the time in the world. Life is not chess, and I need to just walk.
Where am I going? Forward. I know that much, and now, that is all that counts. I know I have to go forward. I was accepted to the university that I want to go to and now I have to start that part of my life. The next step is finding lender and talking with the financial aid people.
Finding a lender – I wont lie, feels overwhelming. I mean this is a financial institution that will be with me for a long long time, and I need to pick the right one. Too bad there isnt an arrow over the top of one of them saying “Pick me, I am the right one for you”. That would be awesome in multiple areas of life actually! I could pick a better mango that way…
On the other hand, that would take away a sense of personal choice, and I like my ability to choose. I don’t think I would like who I am if I stopped thinking altogether. Edgy neuroticsm is a part of who I am. What would I do without that nagging question in the back of my mind? I think its part of what keeps me human, and making the best choices for me. Seeing how one step effects another is how I make my decisions. I think via the ripple effect. To take that away, would take a vital part of who I am. So, yeah, no arrows for me thanks. Lenders and mangoes will just have to continue to be a part of the decisions in my life.