, , , , , , ,

I did it. I finished the book. Just a few minutes ago in fact. I know, I know. I didn’t post my way through it. Well, as it turns out, I had my own Elizabeth Gilbertian moment after reading this book. I realized I didn’t need to.

Going in I thought, there will be hundreds of moments to blog about, or at least three. As it turns out, it wasn’t the sort of book one could blog your way through. How so? Well, it’s like this. When you read this book, its like steeping into water. You tiptoe in first and you feel that refreshing and liberating sensation of being free – in an other worldly sort of way, and before you realize it you are in the deep end taking the journey with her and not knowing quite when you will come out for air.

Now that I am done, I feel like I have swum across a great ocean. I found myself reaching for this book when I needed to swim away from whatever it was I was tired of dealing with in life. It was like a vacation for my mind. I ate with her in Italy, prayed with her in India, and in Bali, I rejoiced with her as she found love.

Like Elizabeth I went through a long dark time after I thought I had had love and lost it. My realization was different than hers. I realized I never really had it; while she realized she could for a while live without it.

After reading this book I remembered how dark those years were. I filled my time with work and school. So many mornings I would be up early and home late. I wondered where my life was going and if what I was doing was ever going to pay off.

Did it? Ha ha, you know I don’t know. I would love to say sure it did. Financially I am not really that much better off, in fact now I have school debt in an amount I have never had, and I am learning how to manage this whole being a student full time gig.

But now, I know what I had all along. My family, my friends and my support. Before I didn’t know how to reach out to them and in some ways was just scared to do so. Fear is so powerful for me. I know it sounds crazy, how could I not just naturally reach out to people that I love? Easy. How could I admit I wasn’t strong? I couldn’t. I couldn’t admit I couldn’t handle it all. Even now, I have a hard time saying, “I need” and “Can you”. I am doing better, but I know, I have a long way to go.