The Road Doesn’t Have to Be Traveled Alone

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alone, blessed, blind, commencement, contemplation, dark, darkness, dedication, finals, graduation, influence, integrity, life, loneliness, love, lucky, man, men, objectivity, people, porch, random, sacrifice, school, stress, support, thoughts, woman, women

I come to you tonight from my perch on the porch.  It is so nice out. It’s is just a little cool and a little wet. It is just enough to need a blanket and have a damp derriere. I will admit, I have had a bit of a reality check this semester. When I started school I was focused and determined to make my own roads. I expected to work hard, get As and to graduate. I wasn’t looking to make friends, join clubs, or in general, be a social butterfly.

Along the way I met great people, people who helped me in ways I never expected. For that I am utterly grateful. It’s so easy to imagine yourself alone on the road of life. Even when you know fair and well you have supporters, it’s easy to slip into a darker area where you can’t see them and you feel very much alone in your tasks and goals.

I know for me, that that is true. Now I am not saying that I didn’t know I had people who were in my corner, I knew that. When the daily grind of life gets you down though, the monotony of stress can make you blind. It’s so easy not to be able to see the forest for the trees, or the commencement through the finals.

I know that I am very blessed. On my path I have had many people inspire me and influence me. People who taught me about the ways to do things, and sometimes more importantly, the ways not to do things. I am lucky to have had women to look to who have done it all – in high heels- and shown me not just what it means to be successful but to be a successful woman. I am also lucky enough to have had men in my life who have taught me about dedication, integrity, objectivity and sacrifice.

What more could I have ever asked for?

And tonight I pray…

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When I came home I saw on the news that a mother and her two sons had been strangled in a town not far from mine. I also listened to a report about a young boy who has been kidnapped from his home in Madison Co. Missouri. There was a report of a lawnmower that was stolen from a Little Leauge organization run by volunteers.  All over the news are stories of soldiers being killed, homes being foreclosed upon, and the latest, swine flu.

Tonight as I lay here in front of my laptop, I can look around my space, lit by candlelight, and feel utterly blessed. My family is not suffering like the families of the murdered mother and sons, or of the missing young boy. We have not contracted swine flu and our home is paid for. Don’t get me wrong, I have my worries. There are friends I want safe and family I want healthy. All in all though, I feel like I have truly been blessed.

Tonight I will pray for the families who have lost their loved ones due to sickness, murder, or war. I will pray that God touches them and helps them to find comfort. I will pray for the sick, the missing, and the serving. I will pray that God keeps them safe and blesses them. My prayers will also include a statement of a different kind. A statement of thanks to let God know that I truly am grateful for the  people and opportunities I have in my life.  Life, I feel must be a continual balance between light and dark. Prayer is no different, with the dark must come light.

When School Leaves You With More Than an Education.

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assignment, blessed, blessing, brother, Dad, death, emotions, estate planning, family, friends, God, heaven, life, Mom, questions, school, thoughts, will

I will be honest; tonight I am not sure what to say. I feel like there are no words in me. That is not a feeling I generally come across on a day to day basis. This day seems to be an exception. The only thing that seems to be on my mind is school.

I have an assignment that I have to do.  I have to write my own will. I really do like estate planning. I just never assumed I would be planning my own quite so…soon. I think the part that I hate the most is that it is so impersonal. Facts, figures, it says nothing of what I would really want to say to those I have left behind. It won’t explain why I want my best friend to have my favorite ring, or why I want to leave money to my estranged brother. That is the hard thing for me.

The worst part about it is all that has to be done, all that is left behind. I have decided that I will have an attorney be my executor. I can’t saddle a family member with that.  I know from experience that dealing with grief is hard enough, but to have to deal with assets and taxes and all that too, it’s just not fair. I love my family more than that, and that is what attorneys get paid to do. It’s a win-win situation.

I remember when Dad died, it seemed like the paperwork was never ending. Mom and I struggled enough with the fact that he was gone, let alone making sure his accounts and taxes were in order.

Death is a deeply emotional issue. I am not afraid of it, just the opposite. I think for me it will be like a big homecoming. Dad and my grandparents will be there. Finally I will get to ask God a few questions that I have always wondered about. Things like, why did my dad have to be abused only to then turn around and do the same things to us? I would ask why war is necessary. I would ask why is it that children wind up dying as a result of adult actions. I would ask why parents have to suffer over missing children and never being able to see them again and not be able to have the chance to have closure.

I would ask why He granted some folks with common sense, but then left others without. I would ask why he let people who were drunk out of their mind, drive. I would ask why helpless elderly people in nursing homes have to suffer abuse.

Before I asked a single question though, I would thank Him. I would thank Him for all the wonderful things that I had experienced in my life. I would say thank you for giving my parents. My father who taught me what it meant to be a good friend, and my mom who taught me unconditional love. I would thank Him for giving me friends in my life who accepted me for me, who knew my faults and loved me in spite of them.

I would thank Him for letting me experience all the emotions that life has to offer, and for letting me live my life to the fullest. I would thank Him for holding me up when I didn’t have the strength to carry on. I would thank Him for taking the weight of worry off my shoulders, and for not leaving me confused. I would thank him for being my rock, and my ultimate confidant.

I would thank Him for allowing me to see the beauty in life. I would say thank you for allowing me to be able to appreciate the little things in life. From walking barefoot in the grass to seeing my family and friends smile, I have learned it is the little things in life that make the big bad moments bearable.

Mostly I would thank Him for loving me, listening to me, and answering my prayers. I have been truly blessed to have soo many prayers answered. I feel like in the normal course of my day I have prayers continuously answered. For that, I am eternally grateful.