Gay, Straight. Bi, Who cares?

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acceptance, Alan Cumming, Alan Greenspan, Americans, Ann Coulter, bi, choice, Fred Phelps, freedom, freedom of speech, gay, gender, hate, human, intolerance, kiss, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, Matthew Snyder, Melissa Etheridge, non-acceptane, Phelps, right, sex, sexual, sexuality, Snyder, soldier, speech, straight, Supreme Court, terror, tolerance, troops, Westboro Baptist Church

In the last few weeks sexual orientation has been a huge news topic. It has flared once again because of the tragic string of suicides in both the United States and Canada.

This poses a question for me. Why does it even freaking matter? So you are a boy who likes to kiss boys? So you are a girl who wants to kiss girls? What is the big deal?

At the end of the day we are all human beings. Melissa Etheridge is no less of a human than Ann Coulter. Alan Cumming is no less of a human than Alan Greenspan. Yet for some deplorable reason members of the human race make the choice to point fingers, taunt, and hurt other humans because they have fallen in love with someone another person has deemed inappropriate.

This is ridiculous. We are an educated society. We have access to education in this country like no other country and yet we are behaving in the most barbaric way just because we don’t agree with, or don’t like who someone else has fallen in love with.

I try to have sympathy for those folks who look down on others. I can not fathom what must be lacking in their life for them to have the time to go pointing their self-righteous fingers at someone else. I have zero time for that. I am too busy trying to make my own life than to go around hating on other people.

Being gay is not a disease. Being gay does not hurt other people. What hurts others is intolerance, non-acceptance, and the breeding of hatred toward other human beings.

The fact that so many of our young people, good people who never had the chance to live, are taking their own lives for being different sickens me. The fact that they were made to feel less than the human beings that they are is unacceptable.

Also unacceptable is what Fred Phelps and his followers did in 2006. They protested the funeral of Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder. They carried signs of hate to the funeral of a man who DIED protecting their right to spew garbage at his funeral. Snyder’s family contents he was not gay. Personally, I think it doesn’t matter. Gay or not, that church had zero right to protest in that way at his funeral.

To Fred and his followers: you claim that God hates fags. Well what would He think of you? What would he think of you tormenting and terrorizing a grieving family? What right have you to disrespect someone who gave his or her life so you can live freely in this country? You say that gays should be ashamed, well, I think the shame belongs right on your doorstep. Shame on you for disrespecting a soldier and shame on you for not respecting the bible you believe in that says that we should love one another.

Lastly to the Supreme Court, you have a big decision to make. Our forefathers gave us the right to say what we feel. I am sure that if they saw how Mr. Phelps chose to disrespect a member of our armed forces – the same armed forces that gave us our freedom from tyranny – they would choose to stand up for a man who had pride in himself and his country, not a man who is only interested in spreading terror and hate. Americans have the right to freedom of speech, but that right needs to stop when it gives the right to terrorize.

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Coffeeshop Bloggin’

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bad day, bad days, blog, choice, choose, coffee, coffeeshop, contemplation, Contemplative thoughts, cry, dark, darkness, depress, depressed, depression, drive, emotions, experience, experiences, faith, family, feelings, healing, hurt, insomnia, life, light, love, pray, prayer, reality, road, shower, sunshine, thoughts, tomorrow, weep, writing

That’s right ladies and gents; today I am blogging from a favorite coffee shop. This was a total need to leave the house day. It is hotter than a hootie hoo out, but I knew that that could not stop me. I needed to feel the sunshine on my skin.

I hopped in the shower. There was no way I could go out as is. It was super lovely. The body wash scent is growing on me. I don’t think I will buy it again next time, but I still enjoy it. I used some awesome smelling shampoo that brings out the waves in the hair. I knew that there was no way I was spending a ton of time under a hot hair dryer.

The shower was what I needed and after a good lunch, I donned a cute skirt -it’s way too hot for shorts- a tank top with flip flops and put the sunglasses on and headed out. I was right, the sun felt awesome. I rummaged in my handbag until I found my sunscreen and after liberally applying it headed off. I hopped on the highway and put all the windows down and let the sunroof open. I could feel the warm wind and I inhaled the scent of a city summer.  You know the smell, that intoxicating blend of heat, trees, flowers, and asphalt.

Now I am here in the coffee shop, and I do have some legitimate work to do. I wanted first though to write about at least one thought that is going through my mind. Despite my lack of published entries I have been very contemplative lately. I just haven’t published because I can’t yet seem to separate me enough from them to put them into font. For now, I need to hold on to them. I don’t know why. It’s not that I want them per se, but maybe in a small way I fear what will take their place once they are gone.

For now, I will talk about a little bit of what I have been experiencing. I am very reluctant to admit it.  I think by letting go of it sooner, I would have to acknowledge its existence and I was not ready to deal with it. I have since a few days after graduation, been depressed. There it is. I said it. I have been depressed. Wow. I admitted it. There is that word, black and white right there for all to see on the internet.

Depression is an ugly beast. I have been under fogs before, but they were never like this. This is unreal. I have had periods of time spent in the chair in the living room just staring. For hours I would sit, just this way, staring. No motivation, nothing. I hated it, but I could not be motivated to do anything about it.

I wasn’t all like, I want my life to end. I just didn’t know how to begin it I think. For the first time in forever I was faced with a reality of not having a job or school. For the last four years, I have held down both. Now, I have nothing holding me down.

My father was once out of work. His term lasted for three years. I was sunk into depression after three days. Someday it lingers, I won’t lie. I find I still can’t sleep at night. The insomnia the last few days has been monstrous. I lay there, my mind going a million miles a minute. I try to focus and pray and I can, but not for long. I find that sometimes my faith has a hard time holding my focus when it gets really bad.

The good news is – the bad days are fewer. When they are here they don’t linger as long. I am not as incapacitated by the blanket of grey that can ensconce my mind.

I was really hesitant to talk about this. It’s not an easy topic, to either admit, let alone write about and the post for the whole world to see. However, when I started writing, I wanted this blog to reflect me and my take on my life and this world. My life is not all lilies, body wash, and bad drivers.

My life is real. It’s me, it is my thoughts and feelings and experiences. Right now my thoughts are not always positive. Nine times out of ten I can be confident in knowing who I am, and what I feel. Only I can know me. Today is day ten. Today I am not confident. Today I am learning.  Confidence whether real or fleeting is one of the most empowering feelings a human can own. It is however, I find, sometimes difficult to maintain, and some days you just have to fake it until you make it.

On day ten I count the things I have. I think of those who love me. I think of those who have sacrificed for me. I think of those who see me and success as a complete picture. Then I thank God that I have those people. Those are the people who will help hold my hand out of this. Those are the people that will inspire me to realize that I am more than my insecurities – whether real or ballooned out of proportion – by the thoughts in my head.

I love those people. They mean more to me than all of the confident days I have. Even if I can’t look at them and say, I am struggling or I am suffering,  I know that I can and I know that they will be there to listen me.  I am so lucky to have a small army of people behind me to believe in me, even when I have forgotten how to believe in myself.

I know that I may go to bed tonight and I may lay there for hours. I will pray. I may cry. I may weep for those that I love and I who I am helpless to do anything for them. I may weep because I feel the unknown that lies in front of me. In all of the pain and tears there is one thing that I can rest assured in. Tomorrow will come. The sun will stream through my window and a new day will dawn. In that first few minutes of my awakening, I will have a road in front of me.  I will pray as I do every morning, and I will make a choice. I will choose to take the path that leads to well-being. While that path may lead me down a dark alley or two, I know that it is only a matter of time before I walk into the light again.