Mosaic artists as healers and a trip to the Vatican

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Angel, art, artist, drawings, dream, education, faith, family, father, Finding Beauty in a Broken World, friends, goals, God, healers, life, love, mosaic, mother, paintings, parents, podcast, religion, Rwanda, sculpture, St. Louis, St. Louis History Museum, Terry Tempest Williams, tile, Vatican Splendors

On a recent trip to the St. Louis History Museum I viewed the exhibition “Vatican Splendors”. It was really amazing to witness. I spent about three hours there and I feel like I could go back for another visit. There was a tremendous amount of art work on display. Paintings, robes,  furniture, sculpture,silver, and drawings just to name a few.

Then there were the mosaics, incredible mosaics. Mosaics never cease to amaze me.  To me, it is such a talent to see a landscape, a face, an object, or a scene from life from a pile of broken rubble and tile.

These artists do, and in such a magnificent way. Beyond all of that, there is also the time and patience of selecting just the right pieces. These artists created light, shadows, and darkness from tile. From trash to treasure came faces of angels and saints.

Seeing all of this triggered a memory for me. I had listened to a podcast earlier in the week called Finding Beauty in a Broken World. In it, the author Terry Tempest Williams talks about being guided by the world of mosaics, and her experience in taking a mosaics class. She made the comment how mosaic artists are healers. They take something that is broken and they make it whole again. That podcast was a special podcast to hear for me. In it, I saw the author as a healer. She met a young boy while she was traveling in Rwanda doing work there. She asked him about his goals and dreams. His dream was to acquire an education, once his brothers and sisters had one. Terry found a way to make that happen. She healed his need for education.

I have often written of giving back to God and how I struggle with that. While listening to this, I was struggling with that again. Until I listened to the wise words of this young boy’s mother. Before Terry took him to the states for his schooling, they went to see his mother. As it turned out they were in the middle of a transfer ceremony with his parents.  His mother told her that she was his biological mother, and that Terry will now be his developmental mother, educate him. At the end of the ceremony, she said how can you let your son go. His mother responds with “God loves my son more than I do.” That hit me so hard. I realized that no matter what, no matter how much I worry over those I love, God loves them more than I do, and I have to let go. I have to trust that God loves them more than I do. That seems so unfathomable because the love I have feels so overwhelming, but I must have faith.

When I started listening to this podcast I never expected it to so radically change my  perception of how I view love and the love I have for my family and friends. Here is the link, check it out. I can’t promise you will find your own turning point, but I can bet if you let it, you will be inspired.

Finding Beauty in a Broken World, Terry Tempest Williams

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I have this education, now what?

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B.A., Bachelors degree, degree, education, job, legal secretary, legal studies, life, paralegal, school, student, university

Its official, I have been a graduate for nearly a year. As I look back on the year I can see that its been a rough time. I have questioned myself, God, my sanity, my intelligence and my overall self-worth.

Last summer was in a nutshell, horrendous. If never repeat it, I will be OK! Then came the fall, and I was employed by an attorney for a short time who wanted not a fresh-off-the-press graduate willing to work for ten dollars an hour, but a candidate for Mission Impossible. (Cue theme music). He wanted a legal secretary, receptionist, and paralegal, and he needed me to know how to do it all yesterday. After two years I didn’t expect to be a $3.33 an hour paralegal.

I worked hard for my education. Long days, longer nights, tons of stress and anxiety, but I did it, and I did it with honors. A feat to be proud of, or so I thought.

I began to reconsider this notion when I began to apply for a job. Suddenly my two-year degree was pittance and what I needed was experience, something my resume was definitely lacking. Of course I can’t get experience unless I get a job and no one wants to hire you without experience.

That is of course unless you have a BA in Legal Studies. (Insert eye roll). So now apparently its ok to be totally inexperienced if I have been schooled. NOTE: I said schooled, not educated.  I have met many with schooling and a far less number who have been educated.

This idea is preposterous. How can I be anymore qualified in a legal setting with more knowledge coming from textbooks? I feel like what I need is more real world experience.

despite this, I am sucking up the debt and going back to school. I have an appointment next Monday to speak with someone at a local university. It will be a strange thing going back to school. I have never really been just a student, and now, I will have that luxury.

All in all, I am excited to be going back. I have missed classes and coursework. I know, I know, I will be regretting this statement 2.5 seconds in, but I do miss it. I miss the discussion, the atmosphere and the learning process. I miss the books and the library – go figure. I have been to this library before, and it is an amazing library.

Hmm, this might not be such a bad deal after all…..

Thoughts on a cool night.

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contemplation, education, goals, life, me, school, thoughts, travel

I am taking a break from my homework. Don’t get me wrong, I love estate planning, but a girl’s got her limits. Today was a gorgeous day, and tonight is a beautiful night. It’s a springtime cool that feels decadent after the rainy days we have seen. In fact , it is so nice that tonight I am blogging from my front porch. I had the door open but the house still felt too hot. So, barefoot I went onto the porch. The concrete and brick feel wonderfully cool after the stifling house.

I have my iTunes on and I have some Lena Horne playing. They don’t make music like hers anymore. Sweet, soft, and beautifully simple. Just like this spring night. No warm breezes are needed, it is just perfect as it is. The keyboard only illuminated by the screen of my laptop, and the streetlight shines a soft gold. From my view, it’s a moonless night. The sky only has a few stars that glimmer if you look closely. The sky is a deep midnight blue purple. It looks like a velvet blanket has been draped over the sky. It’s a night perfect for quiet contemplation.

Am I contemplating? Sure. Tonight I am looking at tomorrow and the weeks ahead. There is so much to do, and time seems to be dwindling quickly. I need to spend all day Monday on campus. I haven’t broke that news to Mom yet. There is not much I can do about it though. Sometimes I feel chained to school. Like I am never really ever going to be done, like I will never quite shake it. I love school, but I know that too much of anything is not good. I am sure I just need a short break. Come fall I will be ready again for the challenge.

I think too, I am wondering at how much more I will have to give up in order to have the kind of education that I want. There are places I want to go and see. That takes money, money that I won’t have if I spend it on school. I want to go and do while I still kind of young, before I am too set in my ways to not be able to be influenced by the things I have seen.

Some days I feel like such a small town girl, and yet, that just doesn’t jive with who I want to be, that person that is the “real” me on the inside. I think then the question is who do I want to be? Do I want to be well educated and travel when I am older, or travel now, sooner than later, and then go back to school, wiser and more worldly? I don’t have that answer. I want to be the best me that I can be. I just wish that map were clearer.

I am sure it goes back to having faith.  I know, I know, give it up to God. I will. Promise. Just…not yet. I think this is something I need to hold onto for a bit. God will show me the direction, but ultimately,  putting one foot in front of the other, well, that is up to me.