Well it is offically summer in the city and I am back on the front porch, blogging. It feels as though eons have passed since I last blogged from this locale. It is absolutely gorgeous out here tonight. It is cool and the mosquitos are keeping the humidity company in another town.
So why the porch? Because it is late. Really late, 2:30am late. I didnt want to keep any lights on in the house, so here I am. Plus, I needed some outside time, sitting in a calm and serene place with no distraction. Sometimes, even late at night when everyone is asleep, the house still has too many distractions to write.
I feel like there are about 1,000 thoughts in my head at the moment. One of them is a question I pondered two years ago in this blog. I was in my basement tonight cleaning out an old desk. Apparently in my last clearing out I neglected to get all of the memorabilia from my last relationship out as there was a card still lingering.
Did I read it? Yes. Was that wise? Probably not. I began to ask my self the same question I did two years ago, where did the love go? I am two years removed from that question, and light-years removed from the relationship, and still I can only speculate.
I think the answer is the love didn’t go anywhere. It just changed. It morphed into resentment and eventually anger and loathing. I believe this to be true because as I felt the love get smaller the others grew. Love is energy, it doesn’t die, it just transfers.
Why does it transfer? Because it has to, it’s energy and therefore always changing. Only by taking the time out to cultivate the love in relationships can it be sustained. Stop pulling the weeds of misunderstanding and resentment, and they take over the love, eroding it back into the ground. The fragments are still there, they have just taken on a new form.
To the question, can you get the love back? I don’t believe you can. It would be like resurrecting the dead, and if you have seen Practical Magic, you know that is not a good idea! But on a more serious note, why would you want it back? No matter how great the love was, for whatever reason, it turned sour. Bringing it back won’t cure the sour. It is best to look forward, move forward and let the relationship continue to evolve than to wish it were someplace else.
Just for the record, I am not wistful at the thought of my ex, Heck to the no. I don’t want to even think about that!! YUCK! I just felt like revisiting that question and seeing if my answers were still the same.
All in all I have a pretty good life. It has thrown me for a few loops this past year: a major car accident, a nasty sprain, and that was just from mid March to mid April. It has left me with a desire to reorganize my priorities a bit.
Normally, I do try to be a “what is” kind of girl versus a “what if” kind of girl. Tonight though, the cool night air has my mind wandering over to the ifs in life.