Tonight I feel like I have a lot on my mind, but nothing to say. I have a lot of miscellaneous thoughts that are bumping around in my mind, but there really is not a cohesive order to them. I had an exam today. I studied for it, and I hope I got an A, but right now I am really ok with a B. That is not like me. Normally I am Miss Overachiever. I think though that I just need a break.
I thought I was going to have a bit of a break this weekend. Um, yeah, not so much. Turns out my father’s side of the family is going out to Easter dinner on Sunday and guess who is invited. Its not that I don’t love them, I do. Really. Its just I don’t think I am in the mood. I have only seen this side of the family like maybe once in the last four years. Its not that they are bad people, they aren’t, I am just not that close with them. I don’t know if I am up to going and explaining what I have been doing for the last four years. On the other hand since it has been so long, I do feel like I should go. I am so torn. Part of me just wants to huddle at home. Its sad how much of a homebody I have turned into. I know it wont last forever, but it feels soo good right now to just get to be here. If I could just stay at home, get the office organized, plan out my week, watch a movie, I could be a very happy woman.
This week we have had rainy weather. Today I got soaked getting around school and to and from the car. I came home and took a shower, but I can’t seem to get warm. When I feel that way I just want to hunker down with a blanket, a book, and maybe the old laptop.
Right now its raining outside. We have a wood burning stove in our living room. I can hear the rain echoing inside of it, and pattering on the window next to me. It is soothing. Occasionally the wind will blow and the drops become more fierce, but right now they are pretty calm and steady. This is the kind of rain I like, just a causal steady pour. There is no thunder, no lighting, and no tornado like winds, just calm easy rain.
When I was little, I used to love to get caught in the rain. I used to stand out in it until I was soaked to the bone. I would put my hands under the stream of water coming down from the guttering and watch it run over my fingers, palms and down my arms. I would bring my hands to my face and let the rain water run down. I would dance and twirl around, spinning so that the long hair I had would spin too. I loved the way the drops felt on my face and in my hair. I would hold my hands up to the sky I wanting to catch all the raindrops. I even can remember sticking my tongue out to catch them. There was something so seemingly elusive about the rain that I loved it and I wanted to be in it. Some days, I still do.