A Slice of Vulnerable

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Contemplative thoughts, emotions, feelings, heart, honest, honesty, humanity, life, remember, soul, spirit, thoughts, touch, vulnerable

Well, I had a blog prepared, but as I sit down tonight to write, I find that my heart is just not into that topic. Actually, I don’t know exactly where my heart is tonight, but it feels like it is in a rather raw place. I am not sure where this entry will go, but I have a feeling it will be to a very honest and in-the-moment place.

I havent felt like me the last few days. I feel like I am going through the motions, but I feel like that if people were to look at me – really look at me, they would see I don’t give a rat’s butt. I am trying. I feel like it is just taking me longer to get there.

I feel exhausted even though sleep has not been elusive for two nights now. Tonight when I came in from work, I was spent. All I wanted was to come home and hear someone say that everything is going to be ok, to just crash and burn into everything that is familiar. Did that happen? Not so much.

I just need to get through the week. Tomorrow is Thursday, after that its Friday and the end. Then I will have Saturday alone. Precious solitude.

I know I am strong, but I am not strong everyday. Ha, not hardly. I just have to remember there are times I have been weaker than this, and if I can wade through that murky mire, then this is a piece of cake.

Right now I am feeling on the vulnerable side and I want to hold a sign that says “Fragile soul, handle with care.” If I could have one thing in this world in this minute, it would be a hug. The human touch is such a simple and powerful thing. A hug, a touch on the face, a hand on the shoulder, all of those things are simple, but when done with sincerity they represent the best of what humanity has to offer.  A genuine touch is warm, caring, empathetic, and has the ability to allow one person to, without words, bond with another on the most basic and intimate level.

Tonight, I just want to be touched.

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Everyday Faith

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comtemplative, God, grief, human, life, Lord, pray, prayer, random, religion, religious, spirit, spirituality, stress, think, thoughts

In everyday life there is stress, anger and hurt feelings. People will say things that cause you pain. Life events happen that turn your world upside down. Whether it is a death in your family or a tragic nationwide happening, in times of grief we as humans seem to bond and come together to heal. It is then that we allow our faith to rise to the surface to carry us through.

But what about everyday faith? I don’t mean the Monday morning prayer for a quick commute, or the Friday night prayer of “Please Lord, let him/her think I am hot”. I mean the “God, my coworker is having a bad day. Guide him/her through it and be with him/her. Let him/her feel your comfort and put in him/her in Your grace”, prayer.

Just to put this into perspective, I do not consider myself a religious person. I feel like in order to do that I need to subscribe to a particular religion, and I don’t. I would say I am a spiritual person. I believe in God and karma. I believe in light and dark and that one cannot be without the other.

I also believe in prayer and the power of everyday faith. Now I am not saying I am this super person because I learned to bow my head,  and that I am out there praying all the time. Mother Teresa I am not. I do believe, however, in the power the prayer and faith wield.

My best friend once told me, God does not leave you confused. In the years that have passed since she said that to me, I have given that statement a lot of careful thought. She is right. God does not leave you confused, because I think that we are supposed to have that everyday faith in him to hand the confusion back to him, and to know that he will take care of us, and guide us, in the directions that we are meant to go.

Right now I am in transition once more. A year ago I would have been freaking out and confused about all the changes and potentially being unemployed for a while. Not anymore. I know that I have prayed and that my faith and trust in God will see me through. The everyday faith that I have will see me through the confusion, the darker days, and praying and talking with Him will give me the strength I need to get through. I know He will guide me to the right decisions. All I need is my everyday faith.