Eat Pray Love – Part I

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book bloggin', contemplation, Contemplative thoughts, eat, eat pray love, Elizabeth Gilbert, faith, God, love, onewithbooks, pray, religion, spirituality

Well, it’s finally here. Don’t give me that look, you knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time before I blogged about books, this is onewithbooks after all. Music, manners, mystical feelings, those have all been covered, but not books. I have decided to kick off finally getting around to discussing literature by not doing a book review, but a series of blogs on one book. Its go big or go home here! I thought I would chronicle my way through the book Eat Pray Love. I have done this via email with another book, but now I am bringing it to the blog! It will be a journal of emotions, spiritual thoughts, and hopefully, some humor.

If you have not read this book, and don’t want spoilers, stop here. If you have read the book and or are just curious, then sit back, relax and let’s get one with the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

This book is made up of 108 chapters, and a special introduction representing the 109 beads on a japa mala. My first wow moment came in the third chapter. We find that Elizabeth has come to the realization that being married is not going to work for her anymore and she has come to this realization while crying on her bathroom floor. It is in this moment she turns to God. Before she gets into that though, she explains her view on God.

In Chapter 3 I find myself relating to her. She says that the one big rule of Christianity that she can’t swallow is Jesus being the only path to God. Amen sister! Can I get a hallelujah? I am right there with her on that. It just is not logical to me. If God created the world, and He made man, and Jesus is the only one true way to salvation, what happened to the billions of people who died before He was born? That just doesn’t sit right with me. The God I belive in is a benevolent God. I don’t feel like he is going to make someone rot in hell because they call their god Allah. I can’t do that.

She also says that she responds with “breathless excitement” to those who have traveled to the center of their hearts and who return to say that “God is an experience of supreme love”.  I too believe that this is what God is. I believe that He, in part, is the best of humanity, and what in humanity is better than love? It is such an amazing emotion there are hundreds of types of love, from being head over heels in love to the love a mother has for her child. An interesting thought just occurred to me. There are many ways to love, but only one way to hate. Maybe God wanted us to love one another so badly He broadened our view of love to encourage us to not stop, to not limit how we can love.

Another part I really appreciated, still in chapter three, is where she discusses what kind of God she believes in. She tells of having a dog, who was a mutt, and when people would ask what kind of dog he was she would say “A brown dog”. When someone asks her what kind of God she believes in, she says “A magnificent God”.  Bravo. I agree. My answer usually comes in the form of “A benevolent God”.  I choose to believe my God is a god of second chances.

In chapter 4, she tells of her prayer to God for Him to help her to know what to do, she realized she hasn’t ever really spoken to Him before, but hopes He knows how grateful she is for her blessings. This causes her to cry harder.  I know this place. I have been to this place. As she is praying she begins to plead and beg for help in a flood of unending tears. I know this kind of crying. Heck, I blogged about it. It is a sort of raw emotional spiritual battle cry in which your soul is being beaten and trying to make one last stand for survival.

She goes on to talk about the river of tears that would not stop, until, they did. When they stopped, she heard a voice telling her “Go back to bed Liz”. She recognized that as the wise words of God, though it was in her own voice. She had cried enough tears. There would be time enough for the stress but right now, it was time for her to rest so she could handle it all. I love the line “Go back to bed Liz, because I love you, go back to bed.” In my night of tears I too had this moment. It was the moment I could finally stand up and walk away from the tears.

I didn’t hear a voice like she did. Mine was more of a sensation of it was done, I could go on now. I had given all I could. All my tears, all my emotions went with Him. It took awhile to recover from that and even the next morning I was foggy. But through it all I knew I could handle it. I had that faith. I could “Go back to life, because He loved me, I go back to life”. I had given it to Him, just the way she had. There was  no more I could do, everything had been done, I only had to accept it.

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The Meaning of Prayer

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balance, God, life, meaning, prayer, relationship, religion, ritual, spirituality, values

For me, prayer is more than just clasped hands and closed eyes. Do I do those things? Sure, but I also pray with my eyes wide open. (This is much appreciated when I am praying and driving!)

For me, prayer is that moment in a day when it is just me and God. It is me talking with my guiding force. It’s me finding my balance and reconnecting with my core values.  It means I am taking all I have learned in the day, up to that point, and either giving it back to Him, or thanking him for giving me the events that shape my life.

I love the traditional ritual of prayer. The closing of the eyes, shutting out the physical world to connect with my spiritual world. The clasping of the hands, the feeling of the physical connection of skin on skin, embracing, coming together to center and focus me and giving me something to hold on to. I love taking that deep breath right before I spill my soul to Him, that deep cleansing breath that elevates my soul closer to heaven.  I love the sense of quiet and calm that comes over me.

For me prayer represents renewal. In letting go of the worries and the stress, I am letting in the calm. I am sweeping out the negativity of the day, or of the moment, and I am bringing in serenity and peace.  It is the shedding of an outer shell and the re-birth of who I am intrinsically as a person and as a woman.

I received a phone call this morning during my moment of prayer. I answered the phone and the person on the other end asked what I was doing. I responded with “Praying”. I think it caught that person a little off guard.  I mean, how often does one really catch someone in the act of praying? It was that conversation that led me to think about prayer and its meaning and place in my life.

So, what does prayer mean for you? What does it symbolize, what does it represent?

Music Blogging: Never Let Go

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broken, Contemplative thoughts, God, Josh Groban, life, music, Music Blogging, Never Let Go, religion, spirituality

Time again for another music blog! I have been wanting to do one of these for the longest, but it was a matter of finding the right song. That was not so easy. I wanted it to reflect the contemplative moods that I have been feeling. This song Never Let Go, by Josh Groban and Deep Forest has always had a special place with me. I first heard it during a very difficult time in my life. I had just ended a relationship, had a close relative pass on, and was in the midst of my first semester back to school. I also was dealing with some serious spiritual questions. I had begun my chats with God during my commute and I found that this song represented in so many ways how I saw Him.  I have posted the lyrics as well as a video.

I can’t understand it.
The search for an answer is met with a darker day.
And we’ve been handed these moments forever.
But I’m reassured there’s another way.
You don’t have to close your eyes.
There is room for love again.
Ease the pain to realize
All that love can be.
Forced apart by time and sand.
Take a step and take my hand.
And don’t let it go.
Never let go.

Broken, once connected,
We were so strong and so blessed in a simple way.
So don’t let me go it alone.
Turn your head up to the sky.
Nothing down below but me.
Face the truth to realize
All that we could be.
Torn apart by rage and fear.
Hold onto what brought you here.
Don’t let it go.
Never let go.

Turn your head up to the sky.
Nothing down below.
Don’t let go.

 

 “I can’t understand it. The search for an answer is met with a darker day” This really hit home with me and my spiritual questions.  I kept searching to find the right way for me and I felt like I only became more lost . All I knew was that I had to keep praying and talking with God.

The next portion of the first verse, I felt, could have been God talking to me, saying I didn’t have to close my eyes, (this was helpful as I was usually driving), and telling me that I had room in my heart for love again. I just had to let the pain that I was going through ease so that I could see all that love could be.  God and I spent some time apart, especially when it came to my issues with Jesus. Now though it felt like God was saying to just take that step toward Him and to take His hand and to never let it go.

“Broken, once connected, we were so strong and blessed in a simple way. So don’t let me go it alone.” I felt like my relationship with God was broken. How could He love me after all I had been, after all I had done? Our relationship had been strong and blessed, but so much had changed. I had changed.  All I knew was I couldn’t go this new life alone, without Him.

The rest of this song just perfectly sums up God’s response to me. All I needed was to turn my head and He was there. There is nothing below but Him and He  is there to catch me if I fall. I needed to face the truth and realize just all of what my relationship with Him could be. He and I were torn by rage and fear, but all I needed to do was to hold on to my orignal faith that brought be back to Him and to not let go – to never let go.

It was such a comfort to feel like He was 100% there for me. He was above and below and all I needed to do was reach out and take His hand and never let go. That was, and is, such a powerful idea to me. I truly thought that after all the mistakes in life that I had made God would not want to love me again, or allow me to be a part of Him again.

 

How wrong I was…. 

A New Step in Spirituality?

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Chai, discover, faith, God, Hebrew, Jesus, keeping faith, rediscovered, spirituality

I think I have quite possibly taken a new step in my spirituality. Years ago when I attended temple, I bought a chai necklace. Chai is life in Hebrew. This past March, I rediscovered this necklace and I put it on. I didn’t take it off for six months. I held it when I prayed or when I was worried. It was a comfort to me. Then one day about two weeks ago, I was sitting here at my laptop and I realized it was gone. I have looked all over for it. I know it has to be somewhere here in the house, but where I have yet to discover.

I was incredibly upset. It wasn’t that I viewed it as a talisman against bad or the keeper of life, it was just a symbol of a connection I felt I had with God. Taking it away, logically, I know won’t minimize that, but to not have it, to not feel it, was disconcerting.

Then I had “life” happen and I needed my necklace. I needed to pray, I needed something to hold to give me strength. But what could that be? I opened my jewelry box and there was the cross necklace my aunt had given me in March. I took a long deep breath, knowing and feeling all of my struggles with this idea of the cross.

I recalled something that I had read that stated in accepting the Trinity you accept the father, the son, and the holy spirit. By not accepting one or the other, you are not accepting God. That hit home for me. Not accept God? I could never not accept God. He has been my rock.

Looking at that necklace, I knew the times I was about to face. I needed a rock, and three is better than one. I put the necklace on. I felt in a way I was letting in something I had long shut out.  I haven’t taken the necklace off. It did prove to be a source of great comfort, and I like how it seems to absorb the heat of my body so that when I pick it up, it’s always warm.

So what does it all mean? I am not sure just yet. The morning after I put the necklace on I went into the kitchen and Mom said (rather in a snotty way, I thought) “I didn’t think you believed in Jesus”? I told her, sometimes there are times when you have to believe in everything to keep faith. That night before, I needed everything. She didn’t know what had gone on that night, and I have never told her in full detail. Some things are better kept to oneself.

So am I all-embracing Christianity now? Yowza. That is a big question and one to which I do not have an answer. If I had to lean one way or another, no. I am not all-embracing it, but I am going to explore it more. I will take some baby steps and see how I feel. This spiritual journey will not be like my previous one when I was baptized at 9 and thought I knew what I was doing. This will be much more different, and much more meaningful.

When Amazing Unleashes…

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amazing, anthem, blue skies, darkness, david cook, faith, God, life, living, love, personal, skies, spirituality, time, time of my life, wind

Again tonight I come to you from my front porch. I am sitting here utterly humbled by the realizations of the day. Today was one of the best days I can remember. I feel a total 180 degree difference since my last post. Today I had an absolute soul revelation on my way to school. The day started off well. I was anxious to get it going. I left for school early and it was gorgeous out. Not nice, not pretty, but gorgeous. It was like God grinned. I had all the windows down and the sunroof open and the wind was doing its thing. Traffic was light and there was nothing ahead but green lights and blue skies. I turned on the radio. There and then I heard my personal anthem. Now I know that this song has been around for awhile, but I had my head down and in another direction, so today was the first time I really listened to it. I will post the lyrics and the link to the YouTube video.

I’ve been waiting for my dreams

To turn into something

I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow

On the horizon

I couldn’t see it until I let go

Gave into love

And watched all the bitterness burn

Now I’m coming alive

Body and soul

And feelin’ my world start to turn

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life

 

Holding onto things that vanished

Into the air

Left me in pieces

But now I’m rising from the ashes

Finding my wings

And all that I needed was there all along

Within my reach

As close as the beat of my heart

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time to be

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

The time of my life

 

And I’m out on the edge of forever

Ready to run

Keeping my feet on the ground

Arms open wide,

Face to the sun

 

And I’ll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time,

This is the time to be

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time,

This is the time of my life, my life

More than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time,

This is the time of my life,

(Na na na na na, na na na na na)

This is the time of my life,

(Na na na na na)

The time of my life,

Time of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMv09S578aQ

 

Right now this song is just who I am. I have been waiting for my dreams to turn into something: a career I could believe in. Now, its really going to happen. For so long in my life I held so much bitterness inside me. I felt like the world was never going to give me a fair shake. Little did I know, God was just saying wait. Now I am watching all the bitterness go and I can see all the people on my team who were there all along, I just couldn’t see them to know.

This time I want to be more than the girl that hides behind her hair. I want to live out loud and let the world know –  it gets better. Some days are dark and hard, and in all the black its hard to see the light. It’s there. Those are the days that now I know, I hav e to find the light in me. I am the only one who can bring it out. There will always be chaos, but I am the only one who can decide how much. The rest of it, I have to trust and love God enough to give it to Him. To take it off my shoulders and lift the burdern that leaves me in pieces.

For so many years I was in such a bad spot. I would emotionally sink into myself. Now my soul is really rising out of that, rising out of the ashes and finding the wings that were there all along.

Now I want to taste every moment and live my life in the sun. Open my arms to the world and to let in all the good that I was too covered in darkness to see. I am ready to run, ready to put the windows down, let the wind roll in and begin my brand new life.

Everyday Faith

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comtemplative, God, grief, human, life, Lord, pray, prayer, random, religion, religious, spirit, spirituality, stress, think, thoughts

In everyday life there is stress, anger and hurt feelings. People will say things that cause you pain. Life events happen that turn your world upside down. Whether it is a death in your family or a tragic nationwide happening, in times of grief we as humans seem to bond and come together to heal. It is then that we allow our faith to rise to the surface to carry us through.

But what about everyday faith? I don’t mean the Monday morning prayer for a quick commute, or the Friday night prayer of “Please Lord, let him/her think I am hot”. I mean the “God, my coworker is having a bad day. Guide him/her through it and be with him/her. Let him/her feel your comfort and put in him/her in Your grace”, prayer.

Just to put this into perspective, I do not consider myself a religious person. I feel like in order to do that I need to subscribe to a particular religion, and I don’t. I would say I am a spiritual person. I believe in God and karma. I believe in light and dark and that one cannot be without the other.

I also believe in prayer and the power of everyday faith. Now I am not saying I am this super person because I learned to bow my head,  and that I am out there praying all the time. Mother Teresa I am not. I do believe, however, in the power the prayer and faith wield.

My best friend once told me, God does not leave you confused. In the years that have passed since she said that to me, I have given that statement a lot of careful thought. She is right. God does not leave you confused, because I think that we are supposed to have that everyday faith in him to hand the confusion back to him, and to know that he will take care of us, and guide us, in the directions that we are meant to go.

Right now I am in transition once more. A year ago I would have been freaking out and confused about all the changes and potentially being unemployed for a while. Not anymore. I know that I have prayed and that my faith and trust in God will see me through. The everyday faith that I have will see me through the confusion, the darker days, and praying and talking with Him will give me the strength I need to get through. I know He will guide me to the right decisions. All I need is my everyday faith.